mikushardlemonade:

(via antisocialxconstruct)

aporeticelenchus:

ahdok:

aporeticelenchus:

PEE ESS this is the wording, from the spell Ceremony (1st level, available to Clerics and Paladins, found in XGtE):

aporeticelenchus:

aporeticelenchus:

……do you think Fake Married for the +2 boost to AC is a trope in the D&D worlds?

Yes, I know you can only benefit from the Wedding part of Ceremony once unless your spouse dies, and the AC bonus only lasts 7 days, but sometimes you might really need that bonus right immediately now and be willing to accept that.

And then, of course, you’ve got to keep your divine caster’s deity from realizing it’s all a battle strategy sham for those seven days, not to mention not letting the BBEG realize you just got married for the AC boost because you’re about to kick in their door, all while remaining within 30ft of each other…

Also do D&D supervillains serially marry and murder spouses to keep getting that sweet AC boost, are evil gods cool with this, is there a whole robber bridegroom fairytale in the making here because I am CURIOUS.

“Willing to be bonded together in marriage” is EXACTLY the vague kind of language you need for both Fake Married for the AC and Evil Seducer Robber Bridegroom. Just saying.

Some things to note: It DOES take an hour to cast - so if you need it immediately right now, the emergency better be at least an hour away. It costs 25gp, so it’s out of the reach of most normal people to do over and over (obviously adventurers and villains don’t view this as much of a barrier.)

I say this while playing a cleric and constantly having in the back of my mind “If we do some super important climactic save-the-world final battle, I’m going to suggest party members all get married beforehand.”

Yep, I was thinking about the casting time last night too. You can’t have a dramatic moment where half the party is down making saving throws, and the Fighter locks eyes with Paladin, knowing there’s one thing they can do to turn the tide of the battle…

But you CAN have the party fleeing from a hopeless confrontation with the BBEG, desperately searching for a safe place to hide and regain their strength enough to hold off wave after wave of assailants, frantically barricading cellar doors and praying to every god they know for just an hour without another attack…just enough time for a short rest and a casting of Ceremony…

But even more than that, I want to know about the in-world literary tropes. The ancient romantic epic of the Crown Princess attacked by assassins, and her Captain of the Guard, who begs the princess to marry her so the guard can defend her, swearing to give her life in battle after if the princess wishes it, not knowing the princess has long loved her in silence! The crime caper of the rogue planning a prison break, without a chance until one day a trickster cleric is thrown into his cell! Farcical Faerunian dinner theater featuring constant misunderstandings and identical twins revealed through sudden AC boosts!

(via bendingsignpost)

pinkqueerpunk:

pinkqueerpunk:

a niche character trope i like is the person who is nice, a good person and acts well adjusted, then they do something where it’s like. oh you’re secretly a little bit insane actually

thinking of examples like.

oh yeah her? she’s trustworthy, kind, reliable, DID super try to poison someone once.

or like. they were close friends with a serial killer for years and didn’t KNOW know but did kind of know. the friend is in jail now but they still visit from time to time.

or, Wow! it took surprisingly little for you to snap and rob that train.

maybe even a, “hey man, i really appreciate this, and i do NOT mean to look a gift horse in the mouth, but you’re being a little too cool about helping me dispose of this dead body.”

(via odd-gelato)

keuhkopussirotta:

 Hey, to you sci-fi/fantasy writers out there (and maybe some others, but this is mainly for things that can’t really be researched irl), if you want to write a character who is a driven, passionate expert on something, don’t write about them rambling indifferently about some boring, mundane part of it. Give them a deep, intense hatred of some oddly specific wow-I-did-not-even-know-that-was-a-thing-and-it-would-have-never-occurred-to-me-that-it’s-a-bad-thing thing they’ll gladly rant about.

 Write a dragon rider who really fucking hates it when a dragon is trained to bow while being reined. A space ship engineer who is pissed off when perfectly good antimatter ship has been adapted to run on neutral matter. A historian who is still not over the massive failures of a general who lost a specific battle 300 years before she was born.

 The guy currently giving us a series of lectures on the restoration of historical buildings really, really hates polymer paint. At the artisan school our stained glass teacher really hated this one specific Belgian artist - we never really figured out what did that guy even do, but he’s been dead for over 200 years and our teacher was glad that at least he’s dead.

 Experts don’t just know things you’ve never thought about. They’ve got strong opinions about it.

(via dreamlordmorpheus)

pumpkan:

Me: waiting for any form of public transport

Rain: starts

Some deep dark part of my brain that never forgot the first night vale episode: 👀🕐🚌🌧🌧🕐🕐🚌🌧

(via lakesandquarries)

artsekey:

For at least some speed-runners, this is canon.

(via evig-sang)

yagirlcheesely:

leeisstillawake:

dbrann11:

j0jin:

Funniest thing I have seen in 2020

Ok but legit the funniest part of this is that the cat just knows what he’s about to do before his tongue is even out. He’s done this more than once. A lot more.

(via lakesandquarries)

clearancecreedwatersurvival:

shadowmasterthirteen:

quousque:

assiraphales:

assiraphales:

absolutely obsessed with the way Fahrenheit is legitimately a superior temperature measurements for day to day life than celsius (more precise, accessible, and understandable) but ppl refuse to admit to it bc they’re so caught up with the “silly americans refuse to convert to metric” gag

fun little info graph I found

SO ARE FEET AND INCHES. Feet and inches are SO MUCH BETTER for everyday, non-scientific use. You want a half a foot? 6 inches. A third of a foot? 4 inches. A fourth? 3 inches. You want a half, fourth, eighth, sixteenth of an inch? yeah you can do that, and those are measurements you can actually see on a ruler. If I got a two foot space and i need to make three somethings of equal length to fit in that space? eight inches. Boom. In metric? You want a half or a tenth of a meter? cool we can do that. Any other fraction? fuck you. What the fuck is a third of a meter. measure that. What the hell is a sixteenth of a centimeter. I’d rather die.

I would argue that 0 in Fahrenheit is also dead.

Sounds like someone hasn’t lived in the Midwest.

tastefullyterrible:

comfynb:

schizophrenicarchivist-remade-d:

When I was little my mom’s meatloaf was my favorite food. But ONLY her meatloaf. I didn’t like anyone else’s, and she told me that she would teach me how to make it when I was older. And when I was like 19? She finally taught me, but she told me never to tell anyone else and I was like weird but okay

Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe

• 4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger
• 1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix
• 1 TBs ketchup
• 1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,
• 1 Tbs bbq sauce
• 1 Tbs steak sauce
• 1 egg
• mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)

You can get almost all of these ingredients at the dollar store, and have leftovers if it’s just you. The leftovers make great tacos if (taco seasoning is also like a dollar). Enjoy your revenge loaf

here’s a mashed potato recipe from my homophobic mother that i swore to never share that would pair perfectly!

(6 servings)

-2lbs red potatoes

-1 cup butter (2 sticks)

-1 cup cream cheese (1 pack)

-Chives (optional)

-Salt & Pepper to taste

1. drop those bad boys (potatoes) in a big ol pot. U don’t even have to chop them just wash them

2. boil til soft!

3. Drain

4. Mash (usually they’re small enough you can use a fork if u don’t have one of those squashers) until its a pretty chunky mix

5. add the other stuff. Keep mashing

I like my mashed potato consistancy more lumpy but its all up to you!! Peel the potatoes or keep them on, it literally makes the creamiest fluffiest mashed potatoes which she always served with the nastiest fuckin meatloaf

So after spending hours combing through the recipes in the comments of this post I have created a cookbook. Feel free to use it. The link should work for everyone, its the only file on the google drive! I have referenced all of the recipes I used, all of which are from this thread. I made it for myself, but figured after all that work I should probably share. Happy spite cooking! 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WjcDfZrPMr0Pw9f5GfEy0aTs2KEx4Pub/view?usp=sharing

(via clearancecreedwatersurvival)

strawberrygiorno:

xiaq:

xiaq:

xiaq:

I’m fifty papers in to this round of grading. Please enjoy a selection of out-of-context comments I’ve left on students’ papers so far:

Further updates as warranted.

Important update as we hit paper 70. 

Memo to all college writers. If you’re going to write a paper on country music for a born-and-raised Texan professor, make sure you’ve got your facts straight. 

And with this, I conclude my first round of freshman grading. Hallelujah. In general, I’m quite proud of the work they turned in. Importantly: not a single person failed.

[ID: Screenshots of several comments on papers left by op. They read:

- “juicy” is not a very scholarly word.

- It’s true and you should say it.

- lol. You had me in the first half, I’m not gunna lie.

- I think “dicelexea” is the most interesting spelling I’ve seen for “dyslexia” maybe ever.

- “shot off into oblivion” is not a very scholarly phrase

- NO

- why are you shouting at me

- I like it. But it’s a run-on sentence.

- Why would you hurt me like this. MLA format, please!

- How would you feel about becoming an English major?

- this is dangerously close to “throughout history”…but I will allow it.

- The song was actually written by Tim Nichols and Craig Wiseman, who both had close family/friends who were diagnosed with fatal illnesses. McGraw heard it demo […]

- I’ll try not to take that personally.

- It’s true and you should say it. But perhaps say it in the active voice next time.

- yes cap

- no cap

- I know I tell y'all not to strive for perfection, but you have obtained it nonetheless with this, the most beautiful Works Cited I have ever had the privilege to behold.

- If you chose to use Shakespeare as a way of ingratiating yourself to me/my love of the bard…your devious plan is working.

- your proper use of semicolons is a beacon of hope in these trying times

- Othello is a play, not a novel.

- I also like to use periods for emphasis. In an academic paper, however, try to use punctuation for its intended stylistic purpose.

- NICE

- please excuse me while I cry

- There are times when “fuck” is absolutely warranted in an academic paper. Alas, this is not one of those times.

(via dumbbullet)